16. Parties (and alcohol)

I do not advocate binge drinking. There is nothing glamorous about getting so sloshed you can't control your actions, embarrass yourself, and feel like you've been put through a blender the next day. One of the most fun times I've had was at a strictly no-drinking party playing board games and drinking 30 litres of juice. That said, some of the best and most absurd times I've had have been while roughly four and a half sheets into the wind.

While out partying, I have fallen down off a platform only to be "risen!risen!" with the help of a mob of Turkish men. I have used pick-up lines such as "So you're a sheep-shagger, eh?" and "Your hair was so gorgeous I just had to stalk you". (Surprisingly, neither of them worked. Oh well.) I have climbed a museum train. I have laid flowers on a memorial while singing something suitably respectable while wearing torn fishnet stockings and more glitter than should be legal. I have had conversations that changed someone's life that I couldn't remember the next day. I have stood outside a Scottish-Irish pub squealing "Am I causing a scene?" and magically was only laughed at by the bouncer. I have been asked to do vocals on a rock album after singing Gaelic folk songs in a Scottish castle.

As for house parties, theme parties never get old. Tequila parties always end up in complete and utter mayhem. At toga parties I can rock my peplos:

(Why yes, I was already a freak at 18.) I believe I also wore this to a party themed "Roman Ruin". I've thrown parties with pimps 'n hos and harem women as well as soldiers of the Persian Great King. Most recently, I threw a party themed "Hedgehogs and Koalas". The evening started fairly normally with me aiming for a hedgehog but ending up more Kate Bush:

The evening ended thus:

(To protect the honour of the male in the picture, I feel I should point out he's a kind friend who's saved me from falling on my head many a time and always indulges my whims, even when they include waltzing on a freezing cold balcony.)

Next up: mythology party. Shall I be a muse with my lyre or Medusa with my hair? (Medusa being this pretty little thing, courtesy of Caravaggio:)

In conclusion, dance and be merry. It's the stupidest things that'll seem funniest a few years from now.