56. Weight.

One of the incredible dancers of the Alvin Ailey Dance Theater

 There are days when I feel heavy, in more ways than one. Gravity seems more heavy-handed than usual, pinning me to the ground. One can struggle against it but never win.

Dance taught me to embrace my weight, again in more ways than one. Surprising, perhaps, but true. As I sweated my way through my teenage years in the studio, I came to appreciate my body as not an object but a subject. My body and I spent hours exploring the things we could do - and what we couldn't. I always enjoyed, and still do, contemporary dance and how it grounds you. I was always bruised and lacked skin on the tops of my feet after a lesson, but I welcomed the pain as a reminder of the beautiful, concrete reality of my body. I liked how I learned to negotiate with my body and work together with it: protecting it, giving it a break when needed. In return, my body let me push it just beyond our comfort zone. In the process, I started seeing opportunity and beauty in the mirror. My body did things, and the shape of it was less important than the beautiful shapes it could bend and stretch into. There are many things to be said for jumping, defying gravity for a second - and then embracing how it takes hold of you again. Perhaps that's why my instructor always said the most important thing about jumps is the moment you bend your knees and push into the floor, either in preparation or on coming down.

I started seeing that with weight comes strength. Just like my dance instructor, some days life pushes hard on me. That's when I reach back in memory to my dancing days and remind myself that we're all stronger than we think. There is a weight, a centre of gravity within us. It's there like a stone foundation or a blueprint of one, documenting our location and identity. We can overreach all we want, but never snap clear of it. And it will always be there for us, ready for us to pick up the pieces and start rebuilding on firm ground.

So jump, jump, as high as you can, and rest assured that even if you fall down you will not crumble.